yET aNOTHER yEAR eNDS

Am sitting, rather lying down on my bed, looking at the pics uploaded by my dear matka batchmates thinking "What changed in Past 1 Year?".."Did I gain choosing B.Tech. CSE IIT Kharagpur tag for myself over Dual Elec IIT Bombay?".."Do I miss being in place I always did think about getting out of when I was in?"..What exactly did happen ?..

Before I forget..kudos to PJ for the website developed picturising half of us who joined 5 years ago at 1600 Hrs below the plastic roof (This is what I thought the top to be made up of then) getting introduced to the professors and I couldn't stop thinking.."There are nothing other than computers in these rooms..What do they do with so many of them!!!!"

As far as I can see KGP through the transparent pictures put up on Picasa/website, I don't see much of a change. Yeah a few more people lost their heart while there must have been a few broken hearts..A few others grew their hair long and I can see some have lost a lot of them..A few might have gained up CG n a few might have slipped a bit......But what I see is just faces..what I have is just memories..the pictures are almost the exact replica of last year..the same people..the same nescafe, the same department, the same professors..jst 2 small difference..

a) The common people in this year and last year picture have shifted to RHS with LHS being occupied by this year people 

b) We, the so called Pass outs, are missing

Just a few thoughts that cross quite frequently:

When we were at KGP, I never had enough money to have party everyday still never was such a situation that we didn't party when did want and now when I have money I look out for people..when we were at KGP, I never did feel lonely even being alone in room for the whole day and now I sometimes feel alone even in the fully packed malls..when we were at KGP, I wanted to buy laptop in place of my desktop just being fascinated about the Wi-Fi connection and now I own 1 still don't know what the big deal is it..when we were at KGP, I never had a night when I didn't complain about the place and now I miss the same the most..when we were at KGP, I always cursed the weather about being unpredictable and now we have to enjoy the endless summers with neither past winter to remember nor future spring to wait for..when we were at KGP, I fascinated about having cards in my purse and now I have many of them and still I feel nothing...when we were at KGP, I had a series of night outs sometimes doing nothing and now nights with work are cursed 

The concept of WE seems fading into I..the quarrel over small things and sorting it over dinner seems to be inappropriate..the habbit of respect/bitching to/about seniors, loving juniors, endless bhaat sessions seems to be almost forgotten..tea in kulhars seem to be an insult..that is what diffrentiates me, the so called professional, from the KGPian..

Am I missing KGP?..I donno..Am I missing people at KGP..YES!!! I surely do...I ever did and ever will...

now, some one month later a batch would passout of KGP and again perhaps would never be together..I would never be able to meet 

halucinating Doggie, 

ever enthusiastic deepak darling n PJ, 

loaded Tiwari, 

Cool nanda, 

class bunkers Tolay n Reddy, 

Mayuri n Mallu dude, 

laughing Kaku, 

Raka trying his hands on PJ, 

ever smiling monkey n manocha, 

10 pointer Khan baba, 

the ready with answer chaddi, 

the Ganwar, 

the quiet Sarkar, 

Bagchi, the face maker, 

the amazing pair Pandey n DK, 

the paper guy, Sethi sahab 

all at one place..

I really missed being with you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..............

Bat Man Dates with Sanguivorous

Ever had a date with a Sanguivorous?
I know the answer now, the date with them r either inevitable or u never meet them.
Anyways, I had one yesterday. A comical one. Though being honest, in spite of what I write in my further statements, I was really scared as hell initially.
I guess it was 0100 hrs today(I remember the time because I did have a look at watch after my victory and I guess it did take me 30 minutes to overpower the bat).
I was talking to one of the juniors in my college(still confused about adding the word past to it) on phone, doing the most easiest thing in the world and the thing in which every senior of Kharagpur gains perfection the moment he becomes one, giving fundas. I was in the room which is used just to keep clothes and getting ready for the office in the morning. Otherwise, the room has been rented to the cockroaches to live, sleep and roam about happily on 5 inches thick mattresses and our luggage. Even the attached bathroom is utilised to full extent by them. I think they had called one of their elder n bigger mates yesterday to stay up and enjoy for the night. My roommate,Golu, though one of the rare sweethearts I have ever seen for quite sometime now, had a different plan to be the joker for the movie and ruin their party.
He took a full round of the room, the motive of which am yet to know, and left something which came along but couldn't leave and kept circling over my head. I had to bow down in its respect quite often to pay my respect and not to hurt it in its flight. I suddenly realised to be the unwanted in the party of my tenants, their guest and hence left the room, closing the door behind me on request of Golu, who didn't want to get disturbed in his sleep by their party songs. But the moment I kept the phone, he had a complete different perspective. I guess he had a chat with the relatives of our tenants roaming about near our sleeping place. He termed the guest, which now I did know was not actually so, as intruder, a beast and hence wanted me to free our dear tenants by getting rid of it. I had no option.
I opened the room again with a broom in my hand though thinking that I'll show Golu the party our dear people were having and then go back to have a nice sleep. But inside the view was different. Though, the beast was not to seen anywhere but neither could I see my tenants. I was very sad to see my tenants in such fear. So, after searching thoroughly and being completely assured that the giant had left the room, which was not open from any side except for the little hole to pass through which the guest needed to have great perfection, went ahead to fondle the residents and heal the injured ones, if any.
As I lifted just one of them, the guest reappeared from nowhere leaving me and Golu on the back foot. I, with the broom in my hand, and Golu, with a chair, which he explained was for the rare chance if I missed the beast with my broom, took sometime on the door to regain our confidence and let the beast settle. It chose the window grill to sit on, which would have been a very good place for it to leave had the panes would be broken. I, due to the immense love in my heart for my tenants and the sense of insecurity in the eyes of Golu for them, gained courage to move forward and open the windows and was successful in doing so after two or three attempts with me being in the wing range of the giant. The beast did fly just after when the window flew open but to the opposite side. Again the waiting game began for us. We waited in the hope that the blind guest somehow remembers the place it did take the seat last time and in the process sees the open window and goes through. But we weren't to be that lucky. The guest did occupy a seat a rather comfortable for itself in the uppermost corner of the room, diagonally opposite to us as if having a very good look to us through it blinded eyes. This was when I remembered the throwing events of athletics, which I never tried to participate in earlier but was eager to learn and experiment my new passion. I just needed something to throw.
With much difficulty, I did find a toothpaste paper cover as an option. I tried all the javelin skills I had seen people using with a bit of shooting talent, which I had used earlier to throw things out of the window without hitting the grill. The hit ratio was much more than expectation being 1 out of every 5 or 6 or I guess even more. Later I felt like playing catch-catch with 2 exceptions. One being the absence of ball and other being the absence other player(wall was doing fine). Anyway, I realised after sometime that I did need a harder thing to hit which would make the giant flat in one go. And then I used the broom, the one that resembled the javelin more accurately and with which the hit ratio decreased considerably. My javelin did hit the beast on 2 or 3 occasion but didn't have any effect on its position. It did just shag its shoulders on a occasion but never did fly again. It was then I gained courage to go a bit nearer and hit it with the bat(wiper) which in my opinion would make it go to pieces in one go. Rather it made it produce just a secret language code, which had just 1 meaning for me that it was still alive. However, I reassembled myself, hit it twice and went forward to carry the last ceremony according to me but after making it fall did realise it to be alive still. It was then that the devil inside me called out to remind me of the troubles caused to my dear tenants by it and I hit it for tens of times calling out many loudly. It was then thrown out by me to fly in the unknown space using both the instruments I had used so far during my javelin practice and batting.
I might have called my dear guest to be a giant or a beast and might have made you all feel that it was a vampire but for me it was a very dear guest because of the temptation it gave me even after its death. In that temptation, I cleaned my whole house at 0145 hrs which would never have been possible. I do am sad about the fear in the minds of my tenants but that can be dealt with.

*****Relations******

Relations. A word too small, yet powerful enough to shatter anyone existing. A word that makes u feel too secure by presence of someone and sometimes make u scared of the same person. A word which binds any two individuals with so thin thread that when broken leads to many consequences in various ways. Be it a relation of Love or Hatred, be it of Superiority or Inferiority. Relations always have same effect when lost. But still relations change with three most important factors affecting human lives -- Time, Person, Place.

You reach a particular height in some field and you see many by your side. Let alone the reaching part, u just inspire to be on the top and you see many with you. But once u slip n fail, due to whatever circumstances you have been in, u loose almost all of them. People always praise the rising Sun n the star once lost is never searched or helped until he rises again himself the next day. And den someone who once said, "You don't deserve the place you seek", take no time to say, "I always knew he would make it". Someone, whom you help sometime with no intention of anything in return, take no time to say,"You helped me for this cause", if you u ask for some help from him later. Relations are broken many-a-times due to creation of new ones. Someone once loving u more than anything else existing, at least pretend to do so, forgets you due to rising commitments towards other works or may be due to very sweet nature of his/her/its towards someone newly born or some newly found friend or sometimes due to loss of the same. People, whom u consider to be your very own and hence say things, which you feel can't be said by anyone else or to anyone else, think you to be rude towards themselves or boring to talk to as u like to walk about yourself and cut you out. People, whom u care about so much that u do whatever possible to make them happy, may other day not even look back to you just because of some silly mistake or misunderstanding.

Relations have always been in diverse terms. Some are lost to save some others. The priority is defined by what lasts till end and what makes the individual, taking decision, happy. Past commitments hardly matter when it comes to present matter and hence are lost in high waves to give pass for the new ones.

****A Strange Visit***********

I have a strong feeling that fascinating experiences in life happen in most strange way imaginable. This was no extra-ordinary time. My belief was further strengthened.
I had been to the university with my mom and dad in the car we had bought a few days back. I had to wake up early morning to get to go to the university. It had always been a lovely experience to go there, as it was one of the places at my home town where I might not know quite a few people but everyone did know me through my mom and it was always very nice to hear when they recognized me just by looking, saying that I looked much like my mother and they can recognize me anytime, anywhere. Believe it or not, It always is a heart-warming experience when I am compared to my mom in some way or the other.
I had an other reason too that day for going to the university. There was a big field at the back of it and i had thought that when my dad would be away to his work or so, I would go with my driver to the field and learn driving. My dreams did receive a jolt when my driver did tell about some work he had at his home and so would be going there in between. But later i was relieved to hear that his home was near to the place and would be back soon. Or he had said so just for consoling me because he knew the reason of mine going to university???...
The University is so impressing that the more you be there, the more you want to be. The more you discover, more you know the things you still need to. But, the place which always had kept me inviting and inquiring about its beauty and extent of itself, made no impression, what-so-ever, on that day, as I had something other as my plan and I was continuously looking at the road from which my driver was to come. There was no trace of him for a long time. I really don't no how much, but for it did seem as if it was a very long time. Seeing my eagerness, quite evident by the fact of mine going in and around the univ. and looking more depressed each time I came back, my mom said me to go and look for the driver at his home, if I wanted. I was thinking of doing the same thing but had not asked my mom as that area had been famous for murders and all at night and so i did fear that my mom wont let me go. Although I was not completely wrong as she still didn't let me go all by myself but did ask a clerk at office to take me to his home. Whichever way the opportunity came, it hardly mattered for me. What mattered was the thing that I was going to call the person with whom I can go and drive my car.
The man with me also didn't know the exact house in which my driver did live. So he had to ask others and each time he did so, a fact redeemed itself in me. In such societies, a guy is known by the name of his parents, however high he thinks he has reached.

As i reached the doorstep of driver's house, I could see the house, although not built in the most proper way it could have been, it still did look different and comparatively better than the others nearby. As I went in through the outer most gate of wood, I could see a very old man looking through his glasses to us as if inquiring, who we were and why were we here. The man with me took the name of my mother saying that I was sent by her for the driver and left me there. I chose to sit on the stable looking chair rather than on the cot, which did seem to break even on the slight jerk to it, kept nearby. The man was sitting nearby on the other cot, which did look somewhat stable in comparison. I stayed there for sometime sitting idle staring at the old sitting in front of me.I could guess the man was my driver's father. After sometime, he again looked up from the the work he did pretend to be so much seriously into, although quite visible was the fact that he was just browsing through thinking of something else. After looking at me for some time he asked my identity, rather not exactly the identity he was interested in. He just wanted to know what relation I had to the name of my mom. As he got to know the identity, "in terms he wanted to know", he did seem even more tensed and thoughtful and again started doing the work he was into. Pretending.
And then as I couldn't control myself I blurted out asking for the man fishing for the one I had to be there. The guy, I was cursing as he had gone for some work of his and hadn't been back since although he did tell me that he would be back soon.I got a vague reply, rather I should say a reply that included many fear. The fear of the feeling that his son had gone long time back for a simple work and had not returned. A reply which did seem to keep me guessing and hence just hoping that his son would be back. A fear that if I go back and tell my mom that his son was not even back to his home yet, she would be angry and his son would loose his job. And many others.
I later realized 1 of them to be that the old man was to retire in few months after which they would loose the house I was seeing within 6 months and his son with no permanent job yet had no place to live and all.
I was just sitting there guessing about their lifestyle and all, when from outside a lady came. She was old enough and her dressing sense did prove her age and hence I could guess her to be Driver's mother. She was a hell lot of talkative. Although I could see the same lines of tension and thoughts in her head, by her constantly looking on the road from which her son was to come, but never did she stop talking. She told me what not, starting from this generation to the past ones. After all she had to say ended, she started telling me about her youngest son. This son of hers was my driver. I guess she started talking to me about him as she felt I would be more interested in knowing about someone i had seen rather than anyone else. I really feel, was there something she didn't tell me. From the starting life of my driver to till date. When it came about driving, even the old man stared up enthusiastically, and started the story of the days he took his son to driving and all. He, then, also told of the days of his own when he used too drive. I just kept looking at them, thinking "How happy they feel about telling their family experiences? How fool are they to think me enjoying all these stories??" Anyways, I had no choice other than to hear them until my driver came or their stories end. End of the stories never did seem near. Each new line of theirs seem to begin a new story. I also thought for once that what if they chose not to end their story even after their son comes and, selfishly, I started making plans of what to say to end their story. Although, I ever knew I won't need it. When they ran out of any new story or so they talked about their younger son's family. I could see the son of his, who was so weak and had a big stomach, which I guessed was due to malnutrition. Later I realized, he was being referred to as only alive grandson of his, later explained in other stories about the death of others. Even these stories were told so enthusiastically and eagerly that I felt, "Aren't they talking about their own grandsons?" Later, I realized, these societies have their own way of dealing with sorrows. If they let cry overpower them, they would cry whole life for the things happened to them. In the middle of their stories, they remembered that I had been sitting for a long time and they had not asked me for eating, almost forgot that in the tension of their son. Being from the village, they had a strong feelings about things like someone coming to home shouldn't go without eating. I, although, had no place in my stomach had to eat. As I was eating, they were continuing with their stories.
It was then that my driver came back. He told that he was late because his motorcycle did end up with some problem and he had to wait. As he was talking I was framing my plans to escape from that place as soon as I could. I knew their stories had not ended and it would start anytime. I knew I would again have to hear all that things I was just listening out of compulsion. It was just a matter of time for them to shift the eyes, which were now satisfied that their son was back sound and safe, back to me. I just thought, "They had that much to say when they were tensed, how much would they say when they are completely ready for it?"..
I was just waiting with my plans to say. But I never needed them. They never spoke back to me after their son came except for the time I was leaving, just saying to come back again if I thought I could come to that place. It was then that I thought. All this talking, All these stories, just to make me stay. Just for the fear that if I leave, their son might loose a job. Just because I was the son of someone who employed their son. I was shocked by the relation they were attached to me with. I, while hearing to them, was thinking of all sort of things other than what they said to me, but now when they are not speaking a word, I could hear each word of their clearly....

********Just a feeling******

Watching DD1 movies for a long time did infuse a feeling in me abt workers in the family saying "chotte saheb" to the junior residents. A feeling i never felt wud happen to me n so wen it came it took me by surprise n even before i could imagine n enjoy the feeling i did only see in movies, the feeling of being someone more responsible and being held at such higher position did overpowered others. As i recall the incident, each time i hav a feeling infused in me, is it alwayz the same feeling of binding, do relations create through emotions and are alwayz emotions overpowered by the circumstances around....